Welcome to The Pulse, your lifeline on media and pop culture. Apologies for the lack of a list last week, had to take some personal time after some family tragedy and I just did not feel like writing and I certainly wouldn’t have been able to deliver on the cutting humor that I know you all tune in week after week to read. But I am back and really excited for this week’s list my beloved readers, it is one I have been planning and anticipating for a while. Turn down the lights, lock the door, push your computer chair back because we are about to get romantic and sexy for Valentine’s Day here on The Pulse. I’m gonna take a moment to leave a big ol’ NSFW warning, for posterity sake. If you couldn’t tell from the title, this week it is all about the booty. We are talking the sexiest of sexy ass game characters. Those of weak constitution or the easily offended need not apply, this is your last chance to click away. Still with me? Let’s get sexy y’all.

“He’s just using this as an excuse to post sexy pics of video game characters.” I hear you say. Yes. Yes it is. On with the smut!

10. Bayonetta (Bayonetta Series)

This list isn’t pulling any punches, we are pulling out the big guns right away. The half-witch/half-angel titular heroine of the Bayonetta series is sexy and she knows it. The only thing more over the top than the insane Japanese styled violence of Bayonetta is the in your face sex appeal of it all. She literally undresses herself and strikes sexy poses when unleashing attacks, people! When she’s not killing angels, Bayonetta can also be seen winning the local Sarah Palin (oooh, decade old topical!) look-alike contest, but she pulls off the sexy librarian look much, much better.

9. Rayne (Bloodrayne Series)

While she isn’t topping this week’s list, there is one thing our number 9 entry can hold over every single other character on today’s list. Bloodrayne’s femme fatale Rayne was featured in Playboy magazine making her the only character on this list to have officially licensed porn of her that was made purchasable to the general public. Also, sexy redheaded vampire chick that cuts nazis into bloody giblets? Sign me the fuck up.

8. Fran (Final Fantasy XII)

So you may notice a bit of a pattern with some of our entries as this list goes on and while it’s uh..smaller here, it’ll be much bigger and more noticeable as we get on with it. That said, the beautiful viera from the masterful Final Fantasy XII (best in the series, eat it VII fanboys!) more than earns her place on this list, just look at that shape with her undergarments nicely wedged right between those succulent hams. Fran is as sexy as she is dangerous.

7. Samus Aran (Metroid Series)

Nintendo, how did you manage to squeeze so much ass into such a tight costume? When the remake of the original Metroid was released for the Gameboy Advance it featured an entirely new segment wherein the player must escape as Samus sans her iconic power suit. Instead she is running around in her zero suit. And zero suit it is because this thing leaves little to the imagination. And oh how Nintendo delivered to the legions of fanboys when this particular incarnation of the tough, but sexy, bounty hunter was revealed to be playable in the Wii’s Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Trust me, many a trouser was dropped after the zero laser was fired.

6. Renamon (Digimon Series)

I hinted at it in our number 8 slot, and here we are at last. What can I say, I have a thing for tails and this fiesty vixen from the Digimon franchise wears hers well, right between her fit and fuzzy glutes. Renamon, partner to Rika in the Digimon Tamers anime, is one helluva fighter and if you were a kid growing up in the early 2000’s there is a damn good chance that she made you ask a whole lot of uncomfortable questions to yourself before finally embracing the inner furry within us all.

5. Solid Snake (Metal Gear Series/Super Smash Bros. Brawl specifically)

The one so good they had to nerf it when Snake returned for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate on the Switch. #UnnerfSnakesAss This is what happens when you squeeze an anaconda into spandex folks.

4. 2B (Nier Automata)

I’ve never personally played the surprise hit Nier Automata, but looking at the above perhaps I should..just to uh, see what all the fuss is about. 2B seems a very popular option for cosplayers these days and I see her pop up fairly frequently on..certain sites and lists and I can definitely see why.

3. Asylum Demon (Dark Souls)

I would be doing this list a disservice if this particular ass didn’t make it into the top 10 because, I mean, just look at all of that ass! But with great ass comes great vulnerability and Dark Souls’ own Asylum Demon is the shining example of the tried and true strategy to defeating any large foe in From Soft’s Soulsborne series. Hug that booty and smack the shit out of it.

2. Salazzle (Pokemon Series)

Gotta catch ’em all has never been any more literal than it was when Salazzle strolled onto the scene in the 7th generation of the massive Pokemon franchise. With a Pokedex description that goes on to say how she uses pheromones to seduce and create a reverse harem regardless of species, Gamefreak finally dropped all pretenses and made a literal sex lizard, the Pokemon. And it ain’t just the wonderful fan art that puts her into lewd positions, even her in-game poses and attack animations are highly suggestive and sexual in nature. And how could they not be? Just look at those thighs then bow to the toxic queen you unwashed heathens.

1. Krystal (Star Fox Series)

Need. I. Say. More? Krystal is hands down my pick for sexiest video game character ever, hell she’s probably my sexiest character ever, I am unabashedly a Krystal fanboy, she is my one true fuzzy blue waifu and I am not ashamed of it. I like the way her tail swishes and I love the ass it sits prominently above.

Thank you for sticking with me to the end of the list my fellow perverts, furverts and people I have probably made feel very, very uncomfortable. I hope it was as good for you as it was for me. For those of you with a significant other, well you may want to delete this one from your browser history if you want to have a Happy Valentine’s Day, for those of you without, happy fapping.

One last thing before I let you go, if you enjoy the work I do here, and with content like this how could you say you don’t, do feel free to stop by my¬†Patreon and toss a buck or two my way, it helps me to deliver to you the content you love. If you can’t, know that I am judging you, but I still love you all the same. It is a little barren there, but once things get rolling I’ll have some stuff for you guys, scout’s honor. Have a few ideas in mind for next week’s list, which one I settle on is unknown even to me. So I do hope you will join me again next week here on The Pulse. God bless, be good humans.